In today’s self-confidence in every day life article (have you read the previous one? Click HERE) I examine a territory which we all enter eventually: that first date. Of course, they all differ based on the circumstances how you two know each other because having a first date with someone you already know and decided to give it a shot is completely different than a blind Tinder date. Since I have experience mostly from the latter, I took that scenario into consideration when I collected these tips but they can be applied freely to any first rendezvous.
1. Instead of expectations, be open
I don’t think chatting for weeks is a good thing because during that time there is chance that you build up an imaginary character in your head and expectations towards the other person. It is much wiser to bring the communication towards a possible meeting in person since you are not looking for a pen pal and all becomes clear in person, eventually. When you can smell him, when you see how you react to his gestures and that is when it is clear if he gets your sense of humor or not. In person, and not online. Be open and accepting, be curious but do not play it out in advance in your head how the other person will be because that is straight way to disappointment. And if you are worried and disappointed, you can quickly become self-destructive which leads to our next tip…
2. Be the chooser, not the chosen
Most of the first date stress comes from the anxiety whether he likes us or not. Whether he reacts the way we want him to (khmm…see the previous point), whether he approaches us, if he likes us, if he tries to kiss us or not, whether he wants a second date or not and so on. And what’s wrong with that? You are not living the present but already worrying about the future and your focus is not on the right thing. What if you change the conversation and focus on yourself? Don’t forget, it is always the women who chooses so why not to make it from the start in that mindset? Why can’t you focus on whether he impresses you or not instead of trying to prove him you are good enough? If you place this into focus to see whether he is good enough for you that will give a confidence boost and you won’t feel so desperate. And let’s be honest, he asked you out and that proves he wants to spend time with you and not with someone else.
3. He is human, too
No matter how odd it seems, men are anxious before first dates, too, even if they don’t show or talk about it. Having the right amount of empathy will help you to see that he may be concerned about things like showing his best parts and worry if you recognize his weaknesses whether it is a tooth or a spot on his beard. We all have our “Achilles” spot where we are vulnerable. Make it easier for him to ease the stress and look for topics both of you enjoy to talk about confidently. For instance if he mentions he went for a run that morning, ask him what he enjoys in running or what was his biggest distance to compete. You don’t only help him but yourself to ease your anxiety and remove the spotlight from yourself so your confidence level can come back.
4. Be yourself!
From beginning when you prepare what to wear till the goodbye at the end of the date, do not try to act roles. It doesn’t matter if heels are sexy but if you can’t walk confidently in them, skip them because that is not sexy. You don’t have to wear a cute dress just because magazines tell you so if you don’t feel comfortable in them. That sends out the wrong message and he can even think that you are fidgeting because you don’t enjoy his company. So wear whatever expresses your personality, whatever makes you feel alive, comfortable as that will boost your confidence. Something which makes you stare at yourself in the mirror, thinking, yes, girl, you are hot. Because that is the message from your head which you will convey throughout the date.
5. If it doesn’t work out
Remember, he is not the only man on the planet and you are not Nutella so everyone should love you! Don’t translate a bad date into theories of your bad luck, meeting only idiots or that there must be something wrong with you for sure. So many things should click to make the first date into a second one and to have the mutual curiosity. Chemistry, shared values, even what you both bring from your upbringing so do not close the door, just see it realistically. You were not a true match so move on to the next one!
This list could go on and one but I just tried to select a few important ones. As a bonus advice, be careful with adult drinks. A glass of wine before/during the date can calm you but if you get overboard, your judgment won’t be clear and you may end up doing things you regret later. So be careful, confident and remember: you choose so focus on the other person if you like him or not!