The topic of my latest Facebook live broadcast was female jealousy and let me make it clear from the start: the word „female” is there as I wanted to explore from our point of view the roots of it, my intention is not to make jealousy gender specific though.
It would be misleading to say that only women do that, only women talk bad about the other or act jealous since it happens to men, too.
Many times we just say „yeah, that’s a woman thing to do” but is it really coded in our DNA to compete with each other?
We constantly fight for or against something or someone: for a man, a girl friend or aganist her, for a job, for attention and for self-worth, too. However you can not win all these battles.
No surprise we have to fight so much, just think about history and the fights for education, voting or equality.
However, in most of the cases it is not the environment but something from within that makes us behave this way: our own body and self-image. That influences how we see ourselves, how others see us and even how they see themselves.
It would be so great finally to learn that there is nothing wrong with it if you have interest in fashion or beauty. The problem starts when female beauty and appearance determine who will get the job, who will be appreciated at work, who will be taken seriously etc. That is definitely an issue.
Let’s take the world of bees as a reference. If the other bee collects more pollen and makes more honey, it can create a certain negative, jealous feeling in us. We may even try to steal that bee’s stock but talking bad about their honey is granted. Just as adding how mysterious the whole thing is, probably they cheated to get so much honey. But let’s be honest, you know nothing about their honey, you just judge the book by the cover, instead of spending that energy and time on practising and becoming better yourself. The other case is that you are that bee who is better than the rest. What do you do? Feeling gulity and sometimes trying even to hide how much honey you make but why? Why would you have to say sorry for being successful? Even if you find those flowers with some help or if the flowers like you better than the others, do not say or feel sorry, own it!
And if pollen/honey would represent success and self-worth, you know we get plenty for everyone. You even don’t have to get it from the wasps (=men) as they also possess theirs. Instead, go on an adventure together with the other bees and discover even bigger flower fields!
With time we also learn how to hide these attacks and jealousy on other women. Does any of these sound familiar?
„I like her but…”
„I am just concearned about her how and why she looks/behave like a…”
’I hate drama but you won’t believe what I heard…”
Eternal good advice: if you feel you have to tone it down and make it softer not to sound as if you bad mouth someone, you actually are doing it so stop. It is ok to catch yourself ont he way to get rid off this habit, don’t feel bad for being aware.
Remember, you do not need bad talk and hating the common enemy together with a woman in order to bond with her. Life is already hard on us, do not make it worse for any other!
As Beyonce sings it in „Flawless”: „We raise girls to see each other as competitiors. Not for jobs or accomplishments. Which I think can be a good thing. But for the attention of men.”
However you are so much more than a pretty face or hot body. It is time to realize that and make your and other women’s lives easier! Can I help you with that?