My dear friend and mentor, Melo Garcia (of whom you could have heard by now multiply times, including her interview in my first book) is having a much needed online course right now, entitled: 21 days to stop self-sabotage (check it HERE). A course to help you deal with the biggest obstacle preventing your happiness: yourself!
This topic gave me various thoughts and I definitely want to share one of them since I firmly believe, too many people are affected by this than simply to ignore the issue. In other words, you don’t need anybody else for self-destruction just yourself. Of course it is easier to blame someone else who doesn’t reat you right, who disrespects you and who took away your self-confidence but from time to time it is wise to look within and see your share in the story. You don’t need to say these thoughts loud, they have their negative impact on you even as single thoughts in your head. Everytime you think of yourself as a less lovable, less valuable person, you are on the way of total self-destruction.
During the process you will find yourself at a point saying the above sentence: nobody loves you. More people actually think like this but only a few say this aloud. Most of them try to hide it with never ending flirts, chasing pleasures and emotions, reaching higher and higher carreer goals, additions and so on. They try to fix from the outside what is missing from the inside. They say it is easier to deal with otherys’ problems instead of yours but on the long run it is not worth it, believe me. Eventually you need to face the person who will be there with you till the end: yourself. No makeup, no hiding. Just you and your demons which you inevitably have to face once you stop escaping. Then the above sentence comes, however it is never about the others, or at least, not literally. It is rather a revelation: no impulse is strong enough. no new work project is exciting enough, no doughnut is sweet enough to cover the lack of love and happiness within you. Though you try to believe it is the others, they don’t except you the way you are and therefore you are unhappy. However be cautions and realize: you had been searching for love at the wrong places all along. Until you can’t provide this love to yourself, your inner voice will be always louder. You know the one telling you to quit as you are not good enough.
The reason of you being unhappy is really the way your partner talks to you? The reason of you being upset is really your colleagues not appreciating your work? The reason of you being unhappy is really your stomach which is bigger than your friend’s? Having a bluntly honest conversation with ourselves is one of the toughest job to do as we must face our fears. What if it has been you undermining your relationship because you never believed you deserve better? What if your colleagues are truly supportive, however it was you who did not believe that presentation was good enough? What if the reason why your partner left you was never your belly but your controlling behaviour? I know it is hard to give honest answers but once you do, you can work on that self-sabotage you are living daily.
It is not your partner, your colleague or your extra pounds. It is you! And remember, to have a different result, you need to try a different method. If hating yourself did not take you anywhere, try a different method with me!