Many of you may feel that I have gone MIA and disappeared lately. There hasn’t been a profound article on my website for weeks, months, apart from a few outfit posts with pictures and my Facebook posts to stay connected with your souls. I hardly blog half of what I used to, as I never compare myself to other bloggers, I am the relevant in my own path. This is what outsiders could see but my friends saw a different side and facade.
The last couple of months were truly gamechangers for me, from various aspects. I finally understood that writing a book is not like blogging. Though I send the chapters and pieces in mini bunches to my lovely editor, Anikó, still it has been a struggle to write continuously. This is a book, remaining there forever. Black and white evidence of my believs therefore it brings along a huge responsibility, too. In the first months I just read which sounds funny as I was supposed to write, right? I wanted to get a deeper knowledge and understanding of the fields I am covering when I talk about self-esteem and self-confidence so I digged into topics like the history of discrimination or emotional eating to gain a better picture. Real writing began in March and got a higher speed from April/May which was the hardest time of my life. I rarely reveal too much of my private life, including my work but that was the area which was hanging on a thread that time. I was so exhausted, stressed and daily breakdowns were quite common that time. Of course, in the meanwhile Beauty with Plus had to go on, I had to write the book and you were asking for Facebook Live shows. So how did I survive?
I turned off the noise of the world in order to reconnect with my inner peace. Somehow I was sure that writing this book will be a theraphy for me. The more I read and tried various techniques which after proven I also advise in the book, the more the world opened up for me. The world which has always been within me. I did not care anymore about expectations, I stopped stressing about the lack of articles on my website and the decreased number of social media posts. I stopped copmaring myself to others’ successes as all of these became irrelevant. Simply I stopped to worry about these. I channeled my energy to other directions: inward. I started to meditate. I silenced my fears whether I am a good writer or not, would anybody buy my book or come to a book signing or not. These thoughts were scary and real and sometimes I still have them popping up in my head. I had to work on my self-esteem which is a bit ironic, right? I started various creative meditaions: painting mandalas on stones and shells then creating jewelries and rediscovered healing crystals as well. I had come a long and very rich, spiritual way these months. In order to remain transparent, I wanted to share the dark side with you as well. I had to find the reasons of my misbelief in me: it was work. Since I protect my work life and reveal very little, that is all I can say: I had to go through a few weeks of battles and had to stand up for myself. It hasn’t been easy neither to me nor to my friends and family.
Along all these changes came the silence which I truly enjoy. It helps to focus, I know exactly what I want and have been working on new ideas for months. The book is becoming more and more real and instead of posting my thoughts, I kept them for my book. The photoshooting of my book cover was one of the most memorable days of my life, I will wwite about it later on. Beside the book, I have huge plans: some will shake up Hungary while others will, on the opposite, calm everyone down. I plan to teach everything from my book in a more personalized way for those who are ready to take matters into their hands and change their lives by working on their self-image. I know you will love it because I put all my heart and knowledge into these projects. I had no doubts that those who need me will find me and those who „unlike” my page are not ready for the change yet but by leaving they create space for the new ones, who are ready to build their self-esteem. Thank you for being with me even through the silence which we all need to learn: to switch off the noise of haters, naysayers and hard times in order to find the inner peace.