Last weekend I had a ride on a roller coaster. You may have seen my video (though it is in Hungarian so you may not have understood: I shared my opinion as a reaction to a radio presenter who judged not only Pierce Brosnan’s wife but women in general who put on weight in a relationship and he said these women don’t deserve the relationship and not worthy of love. My video went viral with more than half million views, 1.6 million people reached and over 16K shares) but let me share what happened inside of me.
That Friday morning I woke up late and sleepy (thanks to my Periscope community, the Bopotribe, I tend to live in US west coast time zone which is 9 hours behind my current European time) and while sipping my morning coffee I browsed my social media newsfeeds. I could not avoid the breaking news of this incident happened a day prior on Hungary’s most popular morning radio show and I immediately felt the need to express my views. Despite my previous Facebook and Youtube videos, this way of communication never had a priority in the life of Beauty with Plus and that Friday I was still uncertain whether I want to record this video or not. I even had to hit the record button for the third time to record it as my memory was full and while deleting some previous videos, I started to hesitate whether I was meant to do it or not. I was running late from my gym session and in the other room my man was waiting for me so we could head out for our training. But my inner voice was strong and clear, telling me to speak up. So no makeup, messy hair and without any preparation of what I was going to say, I just said what was on my mind: no one has the right to judge and public personalities must have the responsibility for what they say on a popular show since many of the viewers may suffer from eating disorders or depression. I also emphesized that everybody deserves to be loved, including that radio presenter. No make up or messy hair, my message was heard by those whom I wanted to address: the women who feel worthless, who lack self-confidence and whose self-esteem is so low that they even consider throwing away their prescious lives. They may be invisible as they rarely comment publically under my posts but I see them, I hear them and I read their private messages. That video was made for them, just as every of my post. I was even accused of using this celebrity as a stepping stone but for all those who believe I am out on a popularity contest, please check my 4 years of work for body positivity.
But what is body positivity? Sometimes I forget that not everyone live and breath this mission and I just assume that everyone knows what these words stand for. However the last couple of days and some feedbacks reminded me of talking about the core, the root, the alpha of my message. The message which is way more than a post, a video or a witty sentence.
When it comes to body positivity, everyone may have a slightly different translation of the word and since plus size bloggers are the pioneers of spreading this message, many times people get it twisted: it is NOT promoting obesity…but what is it then?
Body positivity for me is
- Not judging others based on their looks. It includes skin, hair colour or that of the eyes, shape of the nose or body shape. If I don’t know someone how would I know anything about them only by looking at them? I respect their inner battles and I don’t judge since noone but them know why they put on weight or on the contrary, why they can’t put on weight. I don’t assume a medical record only by looking at someone since that is impossible as well.
- I base my decisions on factors beyond looks. I chose my partner and my friends on values which have nothing to do with physical appearance.
- I’m a conscious examiner: an over-Photoshopped cover is not the reality therefore I refuse to compare myself to an illusion. I know that what I see there is a marketing campaign which I refuse to take part in. It upsets me though but not because I am forced to digest a fabricated beauty standard but because I know how many young girls’ body image got distorted by those photos.
- I’m not afraid to say compliments to others because I know that another woman’s beauty does not reduce mine and instead of jealousy I work on being grateful for what I have and realize my own values.
- I strongly believe that beauty comes in various shapes and forms. Therefore I detest the idea of „only dogs play with bones” because women with different shape than mine do not threaten me. In my opinion we mustn’t seek for acceptance by putting another group down.
- Every woman is a real woman. Not only the curvy ones but the skinny and athletic ones as well. One of the few exceptions may be Betty Boop and other cartoon ladies. Every other woman is a real woman, regardless their shapes or sizes.
- As I love my body, I take care of it. Sport is just as important as taking care of the soul and one can’t function without the other. I don’t work out to punish myself but I do it to reward my body as it deserves only the best.
And probably one of the most important for me is to know that I am not a category or a label or a number. I believe that neither my clothing size nor the bullying comments of others determine who I am and what my life purpose is. These are determined by me and it has nothing to do with my look.
Thank you if you read this and thank you for taking the first step with me in the direction of my biggest dream: to create a more positive world where my unborn daughter believes that she can be anything and my unborn son won’t bully girls in his class just because those girls are bigger, smaller or have more freckles.
This is my reason why I started to blog, to make videos, to speak at events and this is my why for writing my book.